An Angry Star Wars Geek Looks Back (Or why JarJar should still die a slow death from Syphilis)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace 3D (1999/2012)

Stars - Ewan McGregor

           Liam Neeson

           Natalie Portman

Directed by:  George Lucas

Summary: Two Jedi Knights uncover a wider conflict when they are sent as emissaries to the blockaded planet Naboo. (via imdb). Alternative synopsis: The guy most prominently placed on the poster (the best character in the movie) is in this for less than 15 minutes and (spoiler) dies. WTF?

There's a weird symbiotic relationship between George Lucas and his most ardent fan base. Actually, it's parasitic, because he knows he can get our money know matter how much he craps all over our fondest childhood memories, and yet, he finds new and even more dastardly ways to part us from our cash and fill his already huge coffers. He knows we're his slaves, and i think he likes it. So, after absolutely going apoplectic when this movie first came out and cursing the name JarJar from the rooftops, how on earth did he get me to pay to see this again? Simple, he went after my kids ...

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

Stars - Josh Hutcherson

           Dwayne Johnson

           Michael Caine

Directed by:  Brad Peyton

Summary: Sean Anderson partners with his mom's boyfriend on a mission to find his grandfather, who is thought to be missing on a mythical island.. (via imdb). 

The sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth is Fraser-less, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as we get Dwayne (I'm not The Rock anymore) Johnson. Josh Hutcherson reprises his role from the first movie as a yong Vernian searching for his missing grandfather and The Mysterious Island, not necessarily in that order of importance. What ensues is...

The Woman in Black (2012)

The Woman in Black (2012)

Stars - Daniel Radcliffe

           Janet McTeer

           Ciarán Hinds

Directed by:  James Watkins

Summary: A young lawyer travels to a remote village where he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scorned woman is terrorizing the locals. (via imdb). 

James Watkins has made a beautiful, atmospheric movie. It is wildly cliched, sometimes overacted (mostly by grief-stricken mothers) and I suspect the ending will divide the audience greatly. This is a Hammer film in all senses of the words. It's gothic, dark, moody and large-scoped. That's the good...